Friday, December 31, 2010
I wasn't prepared for the uncomfortableness it now is to eat. I was not prepared for how hard eating in a social setting would be. I wasn't prepared for how easy it is to revert to bad habits when these things happen.
Its not all doom and gloom though. I have lost 10 kilograms. Awesome!
Christmas dinner - The food was fabulous - I was going along well - tiny plate, lots of chewing, small bites....but I had hit some trouble with a baked carrot.... it wasn't pleasant and I am not sure why really but I got so upset that I just couldn't eat my lunch with everyone else. That was the first time I have really resented Portia.
I had a run of getting stuck and PBing once everyday for 4 days. I was hating it! The past 2 days have been really good (no PBs) but I am not exactly eating as good as I should be. The plan is to get back on track.
I am home with the kids for a couple of weeks, they are running me ragged!! But it is so much fun to be with them - hence less posting.
I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday and happy new year to all. 2011 is going to be awesome for me and I hope it will for you all too!!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
The kids had a ball this morning unwrapping presents, lunch is well and truly over and now I am stuffed and enjoying the silence that lots of new toys bring!
Hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas :)
Monday, December 20, 2010
Today was my first fill. I wasn't nervous, until he went to get the needle! Then I clamped my eyes shut until it was over!!! (Yes I am a big sook!)
Mum made the journey with me today as Charlie was at work. It also gave us a chance to shop, shop, shop!
I picked up a few Chrissy presents and then we headed to the surgery. The doc was running half hour behind so we decided to walk a couple of blocks and come back (I hate sitting idle waiting..) and then came back. We still had to wait 15-20 mins but it was heaps better than the possible 45 mins without the walk!
He called me in and asked how my first 5 weeks had been (wow - it's been 5 weeks already!), I confessed that I had been a little naughty and he asked me to get on the scale.
7.3kgs down since the surgery (according to me it's a little more but I'll take it!) as it was a good loss he didn't say too much about my naughtiness but did suggest I DO NOT eat and drink at the same time. I have been having trouble with this rule. It such a habit and its proving hard to break. I told him I will try my best and keep working on it.
So the moment came for the fill, I got up on the bed, he went to grab the needle and I clamped my eyes shut!!! He checked out the healed/ing wounds and felt for the port - he said all was looking well, asked me to do a mini sit up and he popped the needle in. Funnily enough I didn't really feel it too much - it was no worse than a blood test. He got the port first time (YAY) and then drained it out (just in case) and then put in 2.5mls.
After waiting a few minutes after a drink of water - I was right to go. How easy was that? Way easier than I expected! All done in less than 5 minutes :D
Next appt 29 January. Let's hope I have another good loss before then!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
The cake - a lady bug - made by moi!
My 2 gorgeous kids!!
She loves her new scooter - now she can ride with her brother instead of trying to steal his!
Happy holidays everyone!!!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I don't really have anything to write about but at one month down I am 7.5 kgs lighter and it is starting to feel amazing.
I am not noticing a change with my appearance as yet (see progress photos) but I am feeling different. My pants are feeling a little looser, my shirt's are not as tight, my feet are no longer full of fluid and aching at the end of the day.
I am thankful for all these subtle changes,and I know that this is only the beginning and its all going to be great from here.
PS I think I really need a fill!! My portions are increasing ever so slightly - 5 more days - I can handle that!!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
I have news on the exercise front, I have stopped procrastinating and am heading to ZUMBA! I am FINALLY going to do it - Yes I am, ZUMBA - TONIGHT! I have conned mum into coming with me so it will be tonnes of fun. I am sure that I am going to keel over half way through, but I am going to give it my best shot! I am liking what others are saying about it and even though I'm not the most coordinated person, I hope that I can at least pick up on the basics. Hope!
Wish me luck! I will report back tomorrow how I go!
Monday, December 6, 2010
I have now lost 7 kgs total since November 15. That is awesome. I am very happy with my progress so far. I still have a lot (and I mean A LOT) of bad habits I need to break.
The first is: Farmer's Union Iced Coffee! OMG I am a total addict. There should be a support group for this!
Secondly, breakfast: I am not really feeling much hunger, but I'm not sure if it's because of the band or the limited food choices. I am struggling to even think about eating in the mornings. As it is now is 10.30am and I have drunk half a coffee. I just don't seem to have an appetite of a morning.
And thirdly, night time eating: Evenings is a whole new ball game. My previous bad habits of night time eating (just before bed) are very hard to resist. Last night I did laps from the lounge to the fridge opening it (you know, just for a look...) - I did this about 10 times, on the 11th I grabbed a bit of cheese. Oh its so difficult to keep resisting ..... bring on the 20 December when I have my first fill!
Ta-ta for now :)
Friday, December 3, 2010
I have never turned to tuna so much! Tuna really is a bandsters best friend. I am also loving the pumpkin soup but cause its now summer here I am not really 'feeling' soup right now.
This is my last week at home (yes, I was a big sook and took 3 weeks off work!) so next week will be very different for me. I will be packing my lunch (*cue gasp) yes that's right I will be taking my lunch. Its not something I have ever really been able to maintain but it will be out of necessity rather than that I really want to do it.
Any mushie lunch suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Weight-wise, I think since going onto the mushies my weightloss has stalled too. I am told that this is normal until I get my first fill - or maybe my 2nd or 3rd depending how long it takes to have an impact.
I feel as though there is no restriction at all at the moment and am finding I can eat more than the cup - or is ikt half a cup? - I am supposed to be eating. I am not getting stressed over this though. I know eventually it will start to come off and I am not going to add the additional pressure to my mind in questioning why it isn't coming off yet.
So I am still sitting at about 6 kgs down. I have literally lost this same 6kgs over the past 18 months - I couldn't even be one of those huge weightloss swinging yo-yos - not me it was about 5-10 kgs each time for me - the problem was that I would always seeem to gain a little more than I lost.
This time round I am confident that this will work for me. I am finding that I am more head hungry than anything. I am not physically hungry during meals but I still go to the pantry or the fridge - you know just to have a 'look' to see whats there. Everytime I conciously catch myself doing it I give myself a mental smack on the brain - stop that!
Hope you are all travelling well - the silly season is upon us - I still haven't put up the tree but I have promised the kids it will be tonight! They are so excited.
Well thats all. Hope you all have a lovely weekend - I have got way too much to do - including a 5th birthday and a baby shower to attend as well as a lovely brunch with some fellow bandsters - but it will be great!
Monday, November 29, 2010
As much as the liquid stage has been relatively easy (considering I felt no hunger whatsoever) I think the mushies will be a little harder because the desire to want to eat food will be elevated even more.
I am struggling daily with the head hunger and to tell the truth I think this will be the main hurdle of my journey.
Since being banded I have lost 6 kilograms which is fantastic. I am very excited that these 6 kilograms will be gone forever, I amm determined never to see them again.
I know this is bad but I have been staring at the family while they have been eating over the past fortnight so tonight it will be a nice change to be participating in the eating too.
I met up with a few banded ladies last weekend for a coffee - because I was still on liquids (no calorie counting - as per the doctors orders) I ordered a lovely iced coffee with icecream. It was very yummy and next weekend when we meet for brunch it will be nice to be able to order scrambled eggs! I love meeeting up with fellow bandsters. It's true that no matter how understanding loved ones are re: the band it is nice to discuss the specific band-related things with people going through the exact same thing as me.
Well I better get some tea cooking for the family. I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving Weekend.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Day 9 of liquids and I am struggling. I am NOT hungry - the band is obviously doing its job - but OMG I just want to experience biting into a slice of roast turkey or chicken and chew it, experience the taste of the flavours in my mouth and then ... swallow it!!
I can't wait til Monday - oh how far away it seems :( Mashed food will never have tasted SO good!
Oh and WOW! How awesome I lost 4% of my weight last week. I owe it all to the liquid diet phase! I think I may have peaked too early!!!
Everyone seems to be going really well with the challenge - I am super impressed with everyone's efforts - keep up the great work.
Monday, November 22, 2010
I am not particularly enjoying the liquid phase - I have really bad "feel's like a need a ripper of a burp" pain which is quite annoying and won't go away. I have brought some de-gas tablets today so I feel for the family when those babies start to work!!!
I submitted my challenge weight in yesterday. I am very happy with this weeks results :D
I have been thinking about my comparison pics - I need your advice.... Should I take them weekly or monthly?? Let me know what you think.
Well the housework is calling and I can not ignore it any longer!
I am so behind in blog reading but I am trying to get a moment here and there to read and comment - sitting seems to make the gas pain worse.
Know that I am thinking of you all and thank you for your lovely comments :)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Well I am feeling much better today. Thank goodness! I think I have finally said goodbye to the shoulder pain but you never know when it's gonna pop up and hurt again, so hopefully I haven't jinxed myself by saying it's gone!
I have uploaded a couple of pics for you! I love picture posts and would like to be less lazy and include some pictures of my journey with you all.
So the top pic is me before surgery - I was SO excited! The second is of my lovely inflatable stockings and the 3rd is of my belly post surgery.
Firstly let me say - NO TEARS! I was so amazed that I didn't cry, I really thought that I would but no - I was all smiles right up to the time they put the "oxygen" mask on me and then I don't anything after that!!
I had to be at the hospital by 7am - I was so thankful I was first on the surgery list. I didn't have time to think I was too busy getting ready for the 8am start. We started a little late - I think 8.15 and by 10.30 I was back up in my room! I remember waking in recovery for a short period of time but I was so drowsy I was more just in and out of conciousness and didn't really pick up on what was going on around me.
I spent most of that day on/off sleeping. I was a bit sore but no where as bad as I expected - until I got up! Once I was vertical the shoulder pain gripped me like an SOB!!
I wasn't expecting it to be that intense - I knew it may happen but wasn't prepared for how intense it would be. I have been using panadol and heat packs as well as moving around to get it to go away - fingers crossed it is now gone.
The next morning I was called to go have the dreaded barium swallow xray - to be honest it wasn't that bad - it certainly wasnt pleasant but it was tolerable. I can't believe how sweet it is - it took some time to get the taste out of my mouth.
Tony, my surgeon, came down and said he was happy with the xray and I was right to go home when I was ready! Yay!
I got a lot of information when leaving the hospital about post surgery care as well as a special information from Tony about what to expect over the next few weeks.
I was really amazed at how quick the process really is.
So here I am - day 3 post op. I am starting to feel a bit more normal. I must admit I am having trouble with my head at the moment. My head wants to eat something - not because I'm hungry but because it what I used to do - you know - crazy but I'm sure that it will catch up to the new band way of living (hopefully). My mum and hubby have been great - and the kids have tried to stay away from my tummy which has been good. Its hard to tell a soon to be 4 yr old and a 2 yr old that they can't give mummy big tummy cuddles :( but I will just have to catch up on the cuddles when I am all better!!
Well I have to go prepare a birthday party for my son (he's turning 4!) I have just found out that there are over 30 kids coming to this party!!!! Argh! Wish me luck - I will definately need it!
Thank you for all your thoughts - it is so great to know that you all know what I am going through and what's to come.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Mini-update - Everything went well and I am recovering OK. I am getting that horrid shoulder pain but all in all it's pretty good. Will give a re-cap when feeling more up to it.
Thank you for all your well wishes and I look forward to returning to blogland shortly :)
Sunday, November 14, 2010
I will be taking the kids to a birthday party, and then heading to Hobart where I will be having my surgery tomorrow.
I have to be there by 7am so going down the night before. I'm so excited - no nerves at all which is great.
I am totally rushed for time - basically I gotta get my arse off of this chair and get ready!!
See you all on the other side where I will officially be a bandit!!!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Its going to be a kind of scrap book full of notes and information that I believe will continue to inspire me throughout my journey.
I have decided to start from the back of an old scrap book and move my way forward pasting and writing down all of the gems of wisdom, shared affirmations, etc I am mainly doing it in reverse because that way my before pictures will be on the final page and when I read through it my most recent pictures will be at the front allowing me to read through to where I have come from.
I'm starting to get so excited now - only 4 days to go!!!
Monday, November 8, 2010
I must admit I am really fortunate to have met a lot of wonderful people on my journey to be banded. It's amazing how many people you can reach out to and receive support from, both local and internationally.
I must confess that I did eat a fairly fat laddened meal - I ordered the beer battered fish and chips - It was delicious but honestly next week when I will not be able to eat them, I don't think I will miss the chips as much as I thought when I ordered them.
For the past 3 weeks I have been ordering and choosing food to eat that I either know I will not be able to eat once banded or think that I will miss the most when banded. For this exact reason the scale has been ever increasing and honestly I just can't wait til Monday - it can't come soon enough. TOTM isn't helping in the scale department either and my pants are starting to get tight and uncomfortable - yet AGAIN!
For weeks now I have been worried about missing out but really I need to focus on what that really means for me. Is missing out on a bit of bread such a big deal if the flip side is playing with my kids for longer without the hassle of getting sore feet...I think not. Get a grip Kellie!
There is so much I need to be looking forward to, so from today I chose to look forward to all the wonderful things that my band is going to help me achieve. I will not focus so much on what I leave behind - Although I will always remember. My before photos will become a distant memory, all the anxiety I feel about them now will dissolve into the far back corner of my mind only to be replaced with newer far more attractive photos and an improved sense of self worth.
For me, the next part of my journey is going to be one hell of a mind game. A mind game I plan on winning.
Come on Monday the 15th...
I have a new friend to meet - she is going to be my food critic - her name is Portia and we are going to rock this body!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
I officially don't have a scale but will be using the Wii Fit board as my scale - I think it's pretty much accurate and as long as I use that each time I weigh it should pretty much reflect the weight I have actually (hopefully) lost!!
I am going to have coffee today with some local bandsters I met online (not bloggers) and I am really looking forward to it.
Initially when I started this process, it took me 2 months to decide that I was going to do this and that this WLS was right for me. Since then I have had to wait 12 months for my insurance to cover the op and I am so glad I took this time to branch out and meet a lot of people who have gone through this experience, which include fellow bloggers, facebook friends and LB forums.
I honestly feel that I am in a place where I have thought or considered every alternate, I know that each and every band is individual (I am excited about this) I think it makes each of our journeys that much more special.
Meeting everyone both virtually and face to face has been great and I look forward to the continued support I have received in my lead up to surgery. I can only hope that I too can support people in the future by sharing my experiences too. I only wish I was more articulate about writing posts - but I am hoping to develop that skill as I go to!
Oh well the time has come - off to weigh I must go!
Wish me luck!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Here it is:
"As weight loss surgery becomes an increasingly popular treatment for morbid obesity misconceptions abound. Patients who undergo gastric bypass or gastric banding surgeries are often depressed and disappointed after surgery because they believed the popular misconceptions.
Some common misconceptions about WLS:
- Surgery brings joy and boundless energy instantaneously
- Laparoscopic surgery is painless
- WLS is an easy fix and permanent fix to obesity
- WLS guarantees happiness
- Others will support the WLS decision
After reaching goal weight patients can go back to normal Because patients read about the joy and boundless energy enjoyed by others after surgery they assume these feelings occur immediately. Joy is felt after massive weight loss, not after surgery. In fact, for many patients the first six weeks out of surgery are emotionally draining as they grieve for food and feel fatigued and disoriented.
We read the laparoscopic technique used for 85 percent of all WLS is minimally invasive requiring little recovery time. In truth this technique bruises the intestines, liver and ribs. The surgery is painful and recovery is not as rapid as most patients expect. Patients express feelings of failure when they are sore and exhausted from surgery.
For most patients weight loss happens quickly and easily. True to dieting tradition when patients reach goal weight they tend to go back to "normal" disregarding the high-protein low-volume diet. Weight gain results. Unless patients follow the strict WLS rules daily they regain weight.
WLS does not guarantee happiness. In fact, patients commonly describe feelings of anger, bitterness, resentment, panic and self-loathing as they lose weight. They also express happiness, satisfaction, pleasure, delight and self-love. The pendulum of emotions swings wide.
Having WLS exposes one to attacks from others who feel entitled to criticize the gluttonous sloth that could not lose weight by eating less and exercising more. Not all people, including spouses, siblings, parents and friends will support the decision for WLS.
WLS is a lifetime commitment to an extremely restrictive lifestyle that if used successfully will enable a former morbidly obese person to maintain a healthy weight and diminish the co-morbidities of obesity. It should never be considered the "easy way out" or a "quick fix." It is a lifetime commitment with no returning to normal."
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Anyways I got dressed in denim 3/4 pants and a red singlet. I thought, excellent - time to take some photos of me wearing colour. No black to hide behind. So I take said photos.
Conclusion - I hate colour and I HATE the reality of what my outsides look like. Reality Bites HARD.
So because I'm a masachist (?) I have posted them on my photo page so everyone can see how bad the colour test photo results were...
I know in the long run it will be a good marker for me to track my progress but today it hurts.
I am honestly one of those people who thought they were quite normal, a bit chubby but more curvy not obese....until I caught a glimpse of my reflection. That alone could make me not want to leave the house. So the fact that I am brave enough to posts these photos is proving to be good for my accountability. How does someone who plays sport 3 nights a week become like this? Obviously I eat way too much of all the wrong things...Duh!
I need to be accountable for letting myself get like this. On the outside I am unrecognisable to me. I look at my reflection thinking 'this can't be me?' 'surely I'm not THAT big!'
I totally understand the concept of wanting my outsides to match my insides.
Well YES I AM. The time has come to be honest and accountable. I have let myself get like this and I will fix it. The band will be my 'side-kick' on my journey. My band will tell me when enough's enough. My band will not stop me making bad choices - only I CAN DO THAT.
I am ready - Bring it on!
Friday, October 29, 2010
So my weights will be in kgs but never fear I have a converter on hand. I know alot of you talk about geetting to onederland etc, down here in the metric system world we wish to get to double digits! Onederland aint so pretty and I just did the conversion and to be honest kgs sounds like less! 5 kgs = around 11 pounds (ugh) my weight just exploded into new territory - not a territory I'm comfortable with. I will get over it though. I am ready for the challenge.
I AM NEARLY:
1. Very close to; almost: "David was nearly asleep".
I think I need to come clean though - be upfront and honest- the challenge starts on the 7th November and I am booked in for my surgery on the 15th! I am not yet a bandster - I am NEARLY a bandster.....but I really want to be part of the challenge so I hope that is ok with everyone. I understand if not - I'm not official yet. I can cope honest...
Thursday, October 28, 2010
I am thinking alot about the changes that my body will be going through over the next 18 months or so and have come to the conclusion that there are going to be 'problem' areas. Mentally at the moment I am OK with this but I think in the future I may struggle. At the moment every area is considered a problem area to me so not one specific area erks me more than another. It's a general disliking of the entire package a the moment. I am hoping that this will change - only time will tell...
I am a (very chunky version) of an hourglass shape body or maybe a pair - I'm not exactly 100% sure...you never know what lerks beneath the folds....ummm, ew, that sentenced just toatally grossed me out! Anyways back to topic - I need to know how to get toned. Where do I get it? How do I get it?
I'm thinking my upper arms and thighs will be areas I need to work on. Does anyone have any awesome exercises they do to tone these areas? I am a complete dunce when it come to weights and what to do with them so your suggestions and instructions would be most appreciated.
I am listening o' great WLS yodas :)
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I am in the process of finishing off some things for work and looking at what I need to do before I have leave from work ... and I just checked the calendar and BANG - I just noticed how SOON my surgery really is!!
hence butterflies!! wow so I have found that I keep forgetting and then I remember and it's a whole new shock all over again... I think I might be a little loopy!
I would also like to let everyone know (or those who don't yet know) about the new Anonymous Blog Confessions page. This is for all of us who may wish to share our most initmate secrets, you know the REAL inner termoil/joy/craziness but do not feel comfortable or are hesitant to do on our own blogs because we may know someone in our real lives who reads our blog and so forth.
I personally love this concept and am trying to think of something to add to the mix... It is a lovely way to receive supportive comments without having people recognise who you are etc.
Hmmm, confessions confessions.....
Saturday, October 23, 2010
I have been on the phone to everyone, the anaesthetist, the surgery, the health fund...you know just to be sure that it is real and its actually going to happen and to make sure I am not going to get hidden charges etc etc.
Well now that that is all sorted I have reached that place of serenity and calmness. I have officially stopped worrying and can't wait. It can't come soon enough.
I am going to re-do my before pics, I am going to wear 'fat-revealing' type clothes so that when I review them in the future I will be able to spot the changes that much more! I just have to go through Jen's archives to find the name of that cool side by side program she uses and will be all set. I will upload later this week.
I'm struggling to find time to post at the moment - it's been crazy busy at work and now that the weather is warming here the weekends get filled more often with social activities.
Well I'm off now, the kidlets are well and truly asleep and it's time for a movie with my man!!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Its so frustrating to me that the most simpliest of everyday tasks (getting dressed) can be such a time consuming emotional experience for me. I know it's worse a the moment (pre-op binge + TTOM = Major bloatfest) but its like waking up and hitting a brick wall.
I put on and took off the same shirt about 3 times and chose my elastic (forgiving) fat pants. Suffice to say today I am wearing hed-to-toe black. Black is my fallback, its the nice place I can go to when colour hates me. Colour makes me look twice as big.....or is that some warped perspective I have developed? I'm not sure.
In my official before photo I am (you guessed it) all in black - I think I will take some wearing colour and post them to get a comparison.
Suregery: 4 weeks to go... it can't come soon enough!
Home/Work: I am in the process of trying to de-clutter. I am de-cluttering my house, de-cluttering my garden and de-cluttering my desk at work!! I am even de-cluttering the car!!
Here's hoping that all this de-cluttering, de-clutters my bloody head!!!!
Until next time..
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I am hoping with time (and the band!) I will be able to achieve most (if not all) of these goals. I feel that if I don't write these down then I run the risk of settling. There is only one thing in my life I feel like I have ever settled for ... my weight.
I don't want to settle anymore. I want to reach out and grab the bull by the horn (so to speak!), I want to live again, I want to feel free from this weight, I want to let it all go. I have not yet discovered what it is that keeps me holding on to this fat, I don't like it, I don't like the way it makes me feel, so why in the hell do I hold on to it so ferociously?
Things I hate about my fatness...
My knees hurt when climbing stairs, when playing netball and basketball, when standing for too long...
I don't fit into clothes I want to fit into.
I can't run.
I can't jog!
I can't play on the playground equipment with my kids as I fear it will collapse.
I don't want to be a bad role model for my kids.
I don't want my kids to be embarrassed by their FAT mum
This is not everything but I think the list could go on and on and on ... you get the drift ...
So here are a few things that I DO want.... I have even tried to categorise them!
Fit into Australian size 20 pair of jeans
Fit into Australian size 18 pair of jeans
Fit into Australian size 16 pair of jeans
Fit into Australian size 14 pair of jeans
Fit into Australian size 12 pair of jeans!
Wear a dress and not feel like I am wearing a tent
Be game enough to wear leggings and a long shirt combo!
Buy a nice pair of Knee High boots and not have to buy the larger calf variety!
Being able to SEE my collar bones
Being able to feel my hip bones
I want to run into people I haven't seen in a while and them not recognise me
Being able to walk around the house in just a towel and have it completely cover me
Having a space between my thighs!!
I want to feel beautiful when hubby looks at me - no matter how much he says it I don't believe it. - I WANT to believe it - I want to FEEL it.
I want to be able to eat a dessert and not feel guilt
Being able to walk into a room and not feel like the biggest person in the room
Being able to look into the mirror and/or reflection and see that I AM 'normal'
Being able to walk down the street and feel that people aren't staring at my FAT
Being able to eat a chocolate or icecream and not see/feel people watching me eat
Cheers for now
I was trying to think about where I was in life and came across this cute little diagram...I am in the pink section where its all about Body, Reproductive, Materialistic and Black & White. I'm a bit of an old soul so I think I take on a bit of the purple section too. I thought it was interesting and wanted to share with you all.
I also found some other little life images to share too..