Reality Bites

So I wake up this morning all motivated to spend a day round the house, tidy a few things, mow the lawn, you know - the normal day to day stuff.

Anyways I got dressed in denim 3/4 pants and a red singlet. I thought, excellent - time to take some photos of me wearing colour. No black to hide behind. So I take said photos.

Ugh.

Conclusion - I hate colour and I HATE the reality of what my outsides look like. Reality Bites HARD.

So because I'm a masachist (?) I have posted them on my photo page so everyone can see how bad the colour test photo results were...

I know in the long run it will be a good marker for me to track my progress but today it hurts.

I am honestly one of those people who thought they were quite normal, a bit chubby but more curvy not obese....until I caught a glimpse of my reflection. That alone could make me not want to leave the house. So the fact that I am brave enough to posts these photos is proving to be good for my accountability. How does someone who plays sport 3 nights a week become like this? Obviously I eat way too much of all the wrong things...Duh!

I need to be accountable for letting myself get like this. On the outside I am unrecognisable to me. I look at my reflection thinking 'this can't be me?' 'surely I'm not THAT big!'

I totally understand the concept of wanting my outsides to match my insides.

Well YES I AM. The time has come to be honest and accountable. I have let myself get like this and I will fix it. The band will be my 'side-kick' on my journey. My band will tell me when enough's enough. My band will not stop me making bad choices - only I CAN DO THAT.

I am ready - Bring it on!

My First Challenge!!!

So I have accepted the challenge - the holiday challenge!!

So my weights will be in kgs but never fear I have a converter on hand. I know alot of you talk about geetting to onederland etc, down here in the metric system world we wish to get to double digits! Onederland aint so pretty and I just did the conversion and to be honest kgs sounds like less! 5 kgs = around 11 pounds (ugh) my weight just exploded into new territory - not a territory I'm comfortable with. I will get over it though. I am ready for the challenge.

I AM NEARLY:
near·ly/ˈni(ə)rlē/Adverb
1. Very close to; almost: "David was nearly asleep".

I think I need to come clean though - be upfront and honest- the challenge starts on the 7th November and I am booked in for my surgery on the 15th! I am not yet a bandster - I am NEARLY a bandster.....but I really want to be part of the challenge so I hope that is ok with everyone. I understand if not - I'm not official yet. I can cope honest...

Feeling the love!

I have just realised that I have 41 followers!

Let me just say I am feeling the blogland love!

A big thank you to each and every one of you for your support - now and in the future.

:)

Tone...how do I get it?

OK so this is more of a call out for wisdom from all you success stories out there - yes I'm talking about you!!!

I am thinking alot about the changes that my body will be going through over the next 18 months or so and have come to the conclusion that there are going to be 'problem' areas. Mentally at the moment I am OK with this but I think in the future I may struggle. At the moment every area is considered a problem area to me so not one specific area erks me more than another. It's a general disliking of the entire package a the moment. I am hoping that this will change - only time will tell...

I am a (very chunky version) of an hourglass shape body or maybe a pair - I'm not exactly 100% sure...you never know what lerks beneath the folds....ummm, ew, that sentenced just toatally grossed me out! Anyways back to topic - I need to know how to get toned. Where do I get it? How do I get it?

I'm thinking my upper arms and thighs will be areas I need to work on. Does anyone have any awesome exercises they do to tone these areas? I am a complete dunce when it come to weights and what to do with them so your suggestions and instructions would be most appreciated.

I am listening o' great WLS yodas :)

Butterflies...and Confessions

haha my tummy is full of them!!

I am in the process of finishing off some things for work and looking at what I need to do before I have leave from work ... and I just checked the calendar and BANG - I just noticed how SOON my surgery really is!!

hence butterflies!! wow so I have found that I keep forgetting and then I remember and it's a whole new shock all over again... I think I might be a little loopy!


I would also like to let everyone know (or those who don't yet know) about the new Anonymous Blog Confessions page. This is for all of us who may wish to share our most initmate secrets, you know the REAL inner termoil/joy/craziness but do not feel comfortable or are hesitant to do on our own blogs because we may know someone in our real lives who reads our blog and so forth.
I personally love this concept and am trying to think of something to add to the mix... It is a lovely way to receive supportive comments without having people recognise who you are etc.

Hmmm, confessions confessions.....

Mondays

Need I say more?

Days!!!

I love it - my countdown has offically gone from weeks to only days...23 to be exact!

I have been on the phone to everyone, the anaesthetist, the surgery, the health fund...you know just to be sure that it is real and its actually going to happen and to make sure I am not going to get hidden charges etc etc.

Well now that that is all sorted I have reached that place of serenity and calmness. I have officially stopped worrying and can't wait. It can't come soon enough.

I am going to re-do my before pics, I am going to wear 'fat-revealing' type clothes so that when I review them in the future I will be able to spot the changes that much more! I just have to go through Jen's archives to find the name of that cool side by side program she uses and will be all set. I will upload later this week.

I'm struggling to find time to post at the moment - it's been crazy busy at work and now that the weather is warming here the weekends get filled more often with social activities.

Well I'm off now, the kidlets are well and truly asleep and it's time for a movie with my man!!

Cheers

Ab Circle Pro....Anyone got one?

I have been mesmerised of late with those bloody infomercials about the Ab Circle Pro. I just can't escape them...I thought these things were only on during the wee hours of the am but no not these babies they are on ALL the fricken time!

I am one of those people that when they see something on TV I always think...Oh, Do I need one of those? Oh, they would be handy...and so on. Lucky I work full time or my house would be full of these infomercial items lol

Anyways, I was wondering if anyone actually had one of these and would mind telling me if they work? Truth is, I REALLY REALLY want one but am not willing to pay the $$ for something that's all hype.

Please put me out of my misery!!!!! Should I get one???

Have you ever stood in front of your closet and just felt fat?

I spent 30 minutes just looking at my wardrobe this morning! Can you believe it 30 minutes!! I was standing there in mothing but a towel thinking ..hmmm what can I wear today?

Its so frustrating to me that the most simpliest of everyday tasks (getting dressed) can be such a time consuming emotional experience for me. I know it's worse a the moment (pre-op binge + TTOM = Major bloatfest) but its like waking up and hitting a brick wall.

I put on and took off the same shirt about 3 times and chose my elastic (forgiving) fat pants. Suffice to say today I am wearing hed-to-toe black. Black is my fallback, its the nice place I can go to when colour hates me. Colour makes me look twice as big.....or is that some warped perspective I have developed? I'm not sure.

In my official before photo I am (you guessed it) all in black - I think I will take some wearing colour and post them to get a comparison.

Suregery: 4 weeks to go... it can't come soon enough!

Home/Work: I am in the process of trying to de-clutter. I am de-cluttering my house, de-cluttering my garden and de-cluttering my desk at work!! I am even de-cluttering the car!!

Here's hoping that all this de-cluttering, de-clutters my bloody head!!!!

Until next time..

Cheers

What do I really want?

I have been thinking about what I really want lately and have updated my non-scale goals to reflect on what these things are.

I am hoping with time (and the band!) I will be able to achieve most (if not all) of these goals. I feel that if I don't write these down then I run the risk of settling. There is only one thing in my life I feel like I have ever settled for ... my weight.

I don't want to settle anymore. I want to reach out and grab the bull by the horn (so to speak!), I want to live again, I want to feel free from this weight, I want to let it all go. I have not yet discovered what it is that keeps me holding on to this fat, I don't like it, I don't like the way it makes me feel, so why in the hell do I hold on to it so ferociously?

Things I hate about my fatness...
My knees hurt when climbing stairs, when playing netball and basketball, when standing for too long...
I don't fit into clothes I want to fit into.
I can't run.
I can't jog!
I can't play on the playground equipment with my kids as I fear it will collapse.
I don't want to be a bad role model for my kids.
I don't want my kids to be embarrassed by their FAT mum

This is not everything but I think the list could go on and on and on ... you get the drift ...

So here are a few things that I DO want.... I have even tried to categorise them!

Clothing Goals
Fit into Australian size 20 pair of jeans
Fit into Australian size 18 pair of jeans
Fit into Australian size 16 pair of jeans
Fit into Australian size 14 pair of jeans
Fit into Australian size 12 pair of jeans!
Wear a dress and not feel like I am wearing a tent
Be game enough to wear leggings and a long shirt combo!
Buy a nice pair of Knee High boots and not have to buy the larger calf variety!

Body Goals
Being able to SEE my collar bones
Being able to feel my hip bones
I want to run into people I haven't seen in a while and them not recognise me
Being able to walk around the house in just a towel and have it completely cover me
Having a space between my thighs!!

Emotional Goals
I want to feel beautiful when hubby looks at me - no matter how much he says it I don't believe it. - I WANT to believe it - I want to FEEL it.
I want to be able to eat a dessert and not feel guilt
Being able to walk into a room and not feel like the biggest person in the room
Being able to look into the mirror and/or reflection and see that I AM 'normal'
Being able to walk down the street and feel that people aren't staring at my FAT
Being able to eat a chocolate or icecream and not see/feel people watching me eat

Cheers for now

That's Life...

Hello fellow bloggers

I have been thinking alot about life recently, well life in general I guess. What life means to me, what I want out of life, you know all the deep stuff you tend to think about after something 'big' has happened. Well I'm getting in early and thinking about it before something big! I'm an over thinker...

I was trying to think about where I was in life and came across this cute little diagram...

I am in the pink section where its all about Body, Reproductive, Materialistic and Black & White. I'm a bit of an old soul so I think I take on a bit of the purple section too. I thought it was interesting and wanted to share with you all.

I also found some other little life images to share too..

Cheers

Sleepless nights??

I am finding it so hard to get to sleep lately, the closer it gets to surgery the longer it is taking me to shut off my brain of a night and SLEEP.

I think it might be an anxiety/stress related side effect. I think my subcontious is trying to play games with me! I expected to get nervy before the procedure but not 5 weeks prior!! I hope it settles down a bit cause if it's like this now I don't even wanna know what it will be like in another 4 weeks!!

Apart from finding it hard to get to sleep I think everything else is a settling down. My pre-banding food fest has seemed to calm down and I am no longer feeling the need to enhale food. The scale has been rising steadily over the past couple of weeks but is now holding steady. I really hope it doesn't go up anymore. If it rises anymore it will be more than when I had my surgeon consultation and I'd prefer to weigh less than that at surgery time :S

Cheers

Anaesthetist consultation!

I received my anaesthetist consultation appointment in the mail today!! It's really happening people!

I have rang and asked if it is at all possible to do the consultation by phone and luckily as I don't have any known medical issues (yet) it's possible to do it which is awesome. I will save on the drive which is 2 and a half hour drive there and back! I will also have a face to face the morning of the surgery.

It has really made it all feel more real..like its ACTUALLY happening, rather than some event in the near future.

Countdown is now on - only 5 and a half weeks til my operation.

Cheers

First BYOC!

1. Are you late, early or on time?

I try to be early, I aim to be on time but dammit I always seem to be late! Pre-kids - always early or on time though!

2. Name 3 things you dislike and 3 things you like:

Dislike: fake people, ironing and my body.

Like: Being a mum, sleep ins and cuddles.

3. Are you a morning or night person?

Definately night person.

4. What is your favorite clothes store?

None yet...I am hoping this will change in the next 6 months or so. Ideally I would love to shop in the regular size section, don't care where really just care about the section....

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in life and in blogland.

In life - Busy busy busy! Working full time and the kids are keeping me on my feet as well as planning for hubby's birthday dinner. All worth it though, was a great night :)

Blogging: Im fairly new but am becoming addicted to you all!!!

Thanks for taking the time to read my very first BYOC.

New blogger on the block!

Hi everyone

Just a quick post to let ou know we have a new blogger on the block!

Mo is going to be banded 15 October 2010! Only 2 weeks to go!!

http://mo-dreamalittledreamofme.blogspot.com

Cheers